Bubba’s Timber Expertise

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Bubba, the old redneck from Georgia, sets out on a journey across the southern states to reach Virginia, which he considers God’s country. Upon arriving in Franklin, he falls in love with the place and decides to settle down. However, before he can do so, he needs to find a job.

Bubba walks into the office of an international paper company and fills out an application for the position of an experienced log inspector. As luck would have it, they are currently in need of someone for the job. The log foreman decides to test Bubba’s knowledge and takes him for a ride in the company pickup truck to assess his skills.

The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree, asking Bubba to identify its species and estimate the board feet of lumber it contains. Without hesitation, Bubba confidently responds, “That there’s a white pine, approximately 383 board feet of lumber.”

Impressed by Bubba’s correct answer, the foreman continues driving and stops again a mile down the road. This time, he points at a larger tree of a different class and poses the same question. Bubba replies without hesitation, “That’s a loblolly pine, and she’s got about 456 clear board feet.”

The foreman is thoroughly impressed by Bubba’s quick and accurate responses, especially considering he didn’t rely on a calculator. One final test remains. They drive a little further and stop once more. The foreman points across the road and asks Bubba about another tree.

Before the foreman can even finish pointing, Bubba interjects, “White oak, 242 board feet at best.”

Slightly annoyed, the foreman turns the truck around and heads back to the office, feeling a bit inferior to the clever redneck. As they approach the office, another foreman intercepts them and asks Bubba to step outside. Handing him a piece of chalk, he points to a tree and instructs Bubba to mark an ‘X’ on the front of it.

The foreman secretly doubts that Bubba would know which side is the front of the tree. However, to his surprise, Bubba walks around the tree in a circular motion while observing the ground. He then reaches up and confidently places a large white ‘X’ on the trunk.

Returning to the foreman, Bubba hands him the chalk and states, “That there’s the front.”

The foreman chuckles to himself and sarcastically asks, “How in the hell do you know that’s the front of the tree?”

Bubba glances down at his feet, rubs the toe of his left boot on the gravel to clean it, and replies, “Cuz somebody took a s**t behind it.”

Needless to say, Bubba got the job and started working on the very same day.

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